The First Advice Column for Big People!
At last! A place where fat, chubby, plump, enormous, rotund, zaftig, big-boned, huge, chunky, pudgy, abundant, stout, thick-set, stocky, etc., people can come for helpful, non-prejudicial, size-accepting advice!
Dear Aunt Fattie,
I'm sure this is a common problem to all bigger men and women. When I walk a lot my legs rub together and I get a rash but sometimes it is worse than that. I will get a blister type sore. A friend told me to put a potato on it and it would heal quicker. I have not tried this but it seems like a hassle. I was wondering if you knew of any way to avoid them completely and still be able to walk when I need to without worrying about getting one of these things. Someone else told me to put vaseline on my legs but that is just gross and could get embarrassing. Is there any way to stop these before they start?
Thanks A Lot,
Sore SSBBW
Dear Sore SSBBW, I recommend either wearing leggings or those slips that are like shorts (I can't think of the name of them!), but they seem to help. Also, I recommend Baby Powder made from 100% cornstarch between the legs and under/beneath/between all skin folds. It works miracles in preventing painful skin fold rashes. Ointments and creams just seem to make things worse, but the powder is great. Johnson's makes a baby powder that is 100% cornstarch. (Don't get the talc kind, it doesn't work as well!) I hope this helps! Good luck! Hugs, Aunt Fattie
Dear Aunt Fattie,
I am a BBW lover and my wife is a BBW. How do I get her to understand that I love her--and all that there is to her--her softness and warmth all that goes with it?
Signed,
Loving Husband
Dear Loving Husband,
Just keep telling her how much you love her--over and over. Fat women often have low self-esteem and need frequent affirmations of love. Be sure to tell her that, in addition to loving her for her mind and spirit, you also adore her body. If you haven't already, come out of the closet and tell her you've always had a preference for fat women. If she doesn't know about FA's (fat admirers), tell her! Let her know that their are a large percentage of men in the world with this preference. Buy her chocolates or some other fattening and sexy delicacy and feed them to her in bed. Make sure that she understands that you would love her no matter what size she was, but that you truly appreciate her softness and curves.
Dear Aunt Fattie,
When I met my husband I was 175 lbs. I've had two children and am 260lbs. Now he hardly ever sleeps with me. I'm sure its because I've gained weight and he doesn't find my new body sexy. This is really getting me down. I feel very unattractive and like no man would ever want me again. What can I do to make him want me again? (I've tried tolose weight but its really hard and everytime he rejects me I comfort myself with food.)Signed,
Unhappily-Married-with-Children
Dear Unhappily-Married-with-Children,
First, have you spoken with your husband about this? Does he make disparaging comments about your weight? Has he specifically told you that he doesn't find you sexy any longer because you're fat? If so, it's time to start looking for a new husband! There are many men out there who adore fat women and would definitely find you sexy! (See the personal ads on this website or Dimensions Magazine or go to any NAAFA dance!) Still, before making such a decision, you should communicate with your husband. There is always the possibility that his lack of amorous attention is tied up in other issues - job stress, for example, often causes men to lose interest in sex. If it turns out that the problem really is that he can't appreciate your body (and you!) at whatever size you are, then he's not worth your time or tears. Unfortunately, in a situation like this, there is nothing you can do, other than look for someone who will appreciate you exactly as you are. If he is anti-fat, then he will never find you attractive, and diets simply don't work. I empathize with your situation and wish you luck and love.
Dear Aunt Fattie,
I'm a BBW, and enjoy my size. The comments of others used to bother me, but I've learned to ignore them. The other day, I was on the bus, and watched three boys (approx. 10-12 years old) joking with each other. I smiled at them and they seemed apprehensive. That didn't bother me so much as when they saw a classmate of theirs at a bus stop. She was a slightly plump, attractive young girl, and she was eating something she'd bought at the local supermarket. These boys did everything they could to let her know how ugly they thought she was by calling out the window, laughing, and mocking her, and pointing out that some of the crumbs from her food had fallen down on her developed breasts. I felt so helpless. I wanted her to have the chance to grow up confident and secure, and these brainwashed boys worked their horror upon her through the glass. I wonderded, too, how much torment she must have faced at their hands when they were in school (it's summer break). Was there anything I could have done in this situation?
Signed,
Empathic Girl
Dear Empathic Girl,
Sadly, this is a common occurance for all fat people, young and old, that of humiliation by people who believe there is something morally wrong with people being fat, so it's okay to insult them. Fat prejudice is truly the last acceptable form of prejudice left in the world, and I see few signs that it is abating. In general, you can help by joining a size-rights organization like NAAFA or the Council on Size and Weight Discrimination and try to add your voice to the growing number of fat people who are fed up (no pun intended!) and not going to take it anymore! (Think globally, act locally.) The only way to keep this kind of thing from happening in the future is to educate people as to the truth about the multi-billion dollar diet industry and its manipulation of the populace via degrading ads and tactics designed to promote low self-esteem, and make 99% of the population (those not born model-thin and waif-like) feel guilty, inadequate, and somehow "wrong."
Should something like this happen in the future (alas, I'm sure it will), you might consider the following: get off the bus and go and talk to the person who was just harrassed. Tell them that you sympathize with them and that the opinions of people who don't care about them (like their family and friends), don't matter. You might even have some "business" cards printed up with the phone numbers of size-rights organizations for the person to call, along with a comforting phrase like: "Fat People are Beautiful, too!" Tell them that not everyone in the world hates fat people. If the person is an adult, suggest they participate in BBW dances and other fat-positive social gatherings. Tell them about FA's (fat admirers) and publications like Dimensions, where they can find ads for FA's seeking BBW (Big, Beautiful Women) and BHM (Big, Handsome Men).
If you need to stay on the bus, feel free to tell the boys what you think of them. "Immature, insensitive, mean, cruel, ugly, rotten-little-guttersnipes" comes to mind. It may not make a difference, but then again, it just might, and it would make you feel a lot better for having done something about the situation, other than just sitting idly by and watching.
Dear Aunt Fattie:
Yesterday, I took my friend to the hospital when she hurt her ankle. She's a very pretty supersized BBW, and thought they treated us without prejudice, the wheelchair they brought was too small for her to sit in. In fact, all the chairs in the lobby were too small. They didn't bring a plus-sized chair, and wheeled her out on a big bed instead. She would rather have walked on her hurt ankle than have gone through that. What can be done about this?
Signed,
SSBBW's Friend
Dear SSBBW's Friend,
There are several things you can do. In the future, you or your friend should (if possible) phone the hospital first and tell them that she is coming in and will require an extra-wide wheelchair. Hospitals DO have these, but often they are stored somewhere apart from the smaller wheelchairs. This means that the hospital worker, who job it is to get you a wheelchair, has to search for the larger one and probably walk further to get it for you. As people are basically lazy, you are unlikely to get a large wheelchair just by asking. (They'll tell you they don't have one, or don't know where it is.) I have found that by calling in advance, getting the name of the person you talked to, and looking for that person immediately when you arrive, is most helpful.
When you are at the hospital, you can ask for the name of the person responsible for purchasing the chairs in the waiting areas, and explain the problem. Later, you can phone them, and tell them that they really need to provide chairs to accomodate ALL of their patients. A couple of chairs that are sturdy and armless should suffice. (You should also bring this to the attention of all of the doctors offices you frequent, as many do not furnish seating that fat people can fit into. I have found that this is usually just an oversight on the doctor's part--it literally doesn't occur to people who don't have this problem themselves that the problem, nonetheless, exists. Usually, they are apologetic and promise to purchase a few armless seats, though you may have to keep pestering them.)
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